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Coaching for Expatriate Couples:
Can It Help You?
Andrew L. Miser
In today's global markets, multinational companies are relying on expatriate assignments to fulfil their global business strategies. However, many expatriate assignments are not being completed. This is costing companies hundreds of thousands of dollars, or more, both directly and/or indirectly. For repatriating expatriates, it is probably costing much more on an emotional level - considering the scale of their upheaval and family disruption.
Most expatriate couples want to be successful in their life in their new country. Yet, no matter how much preparation or training expats have prior to their move, a couple will not know what life will bring until they have taken the bold step and moved abroad. It is only after couples relocate, with everything at stake, that they find out what is really required to live, together, in a foreign land.
What Might Help?
Coaching, specifically for couples and their families (ideally by expatriates or repatriates - who both understand and can empathize with the unique sets of emotions and challenges involved with expatriation), is increasingly being recognized as a potentially vital service for the success of expatriate assignments. The field of professional coaching, specifically couple's coaching, is ideally suited to assist couples in meeting the challenges of expatriate living.
Professional coaching (in person or via phone) also often allows a couple to achieve desired outcomes in relatively short periods of time (two to six months) and can be far less stigmatizing and more “user friendly” than traditional mental health services with which the couple may not be familiar in their host country.
A trained certified coach can spot situations in which a couple may be experiencing more intense problems that are outside the coach's professional capabilities and can assist the couple in seeking therapeutic help within the local community. More importantly, a certified coach is someone who is professionally trained and understands the importance of confidentiality.
When Could Coaching Help?
During the course of an expatriate assignment, there are critical points where coaching can be invaluable for couples:
Clarifying motivation for accepting an expatriate assignment. During the pre-assignment assessment, couples can use a coaching relationship to clarify their reasons for exploring an expatriate assignment and formulate the questions they have about the assignment.
Creating partnership. With their coach,couples can explore the life they wish to create for themselves and their family, plus determine whether an expatriate assignment is right for them;
Connecting with values. When exploring an expatriate assignment, couples can clarify what is important, what they value and what they find compelling about the assignment;
Exploring from a meta-view. A coach can also encourage the couple to pull back from their immediate circumstances to examine an assignment from a meta-view. What is calling to them and what possibilities might an expatriate assignment provide them and their family; and/or
Creating an aligned vision for the future. A couple's coach can assist a couple in creating an aligned vision of their future and considering all the risks and challenges they will face when choosing such a life path.
Facilitating the choice. The choice to accept or to decline an offer of an expatriate assignment is one of the most important discussions a couple might have with a couple's coach.
Making the choice. Making the choice powerfully together requires a couple to fully consider all the “pros” and “cons” for both accepting a potential expatriate assignment or declining the assignment. After such a discussion, the couple can be better able to deal with the myriad of logistical, financial, and emotional aspects of the assignment after they have made their choice; and
Creating a project supporting their family's transition. When a couple chooses to accept an expatriate assignment, their world view shifts dramatically. A whole host of logistical issues and decisions will flow from their fateful choice. A coach can work with the couple in creating a project that involves not only the logistics of the relocation, but also the transition issues for each member of the family.
Facilitating problem-solving. After the choice is made, the periods before and just after their international move represent times of intense problem-solving, planning and action for the expatriate couple.
Creating teamwork in action. A coach can assist the couple working as a team during this time of change. Accepting an expatriate assignment requires fact-finding, brainstorming, planning, communicating with other family members, and making important decisions;
Problem-solving. A coach can assist a new expatriate couple in articulating what is happening and gaining insight into their family's adjustment during the months after their move. The couple can get support in adjusting their roles and responsibilities, keeping focused on short-term goals, identifying road-blocks and obstacles, and working together to solve problems. Couples can reframe disempowering perspectives as the “rubber” begins to meet the “road”; and
Understanding national cultures. A couple in a coaching relationship can help everyone in their family gain understanding of their host country's cultural expectations, customs and social values and their impact on daily life in the new culture.
Assessing local opportunities. Within three to six months of arriving in their host country, a couple can begin to look further into the future.
Creating a longer-term view for their expatriate experience. At this point, an expatriate couple can benefit from taking a step back and taking a longer-term view of their future. What do they see for themselves five years down the road? What kind of work are they each engaged in? What are their children doing?
Planning and fulfilling family projects. With a coach, a couple is able to assess local opportunities, create projects, make plans and take committed action. Traveling, going on sightseeing excursions, volunteering, building a new social network, finding a job, or building a business are all projects that require planning, problem solving and taking action. Having a third-party (like a coach) to stay accountable to can genuinely help; and
Reflecting on the expatriate experience. In a coaching relationship, a couple can gain insight and awareness of themselves through inquiry, self-reflection and shared learning. The coach is trained to ask powerful questions to help the couple in integrating the lessons they are learning.
Repatriating. At the end of an expatriate assignment, a couple can use a coach to integrate their expatriate experience and to facilitate their transition home.
Re-examining their lives and looking to the future. At the completion of an expatriate assignment, the couple comes full circle as they look forward to their journey home or to their next expatriate destination. Coaching can help a couple stay anchored in what they value as they envision their new future; and
Completing the expatriate experience. A coach can help an expatriate couple in coming to terms with the benefits and the drawbacks of their expatriate experience. Fully acknowledging the lessons learned, the international friendships gained, and the memories captured can facilitate a smoother transition for the couple.
Expat life offers both opportunities and challenges. If you think you could benefit from couples' coaching, I encourage you to talk to your partner and look for a professional, expat-minded coach today. |
Andrew L. Miser , Ph.D., CPCC, is a licensed psychologist and certified professional coach with over thirty years' experience in human services. Andy, a U.S. citizen, lived in Amsterdam with his wife and two of his three children from 2002 to 2006. In 2004, he launched his coaching and consulting business, Elysian Enterprises. He has a website, , and can be contacted through his email address, , or by telephone +1 617 505-5139.
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